I have this pattern of pushing people away. And, looking back, I’ve found that that’s all I ever did to you. I don’t know why, or how I didn’t notice, or why I never apologized for dragging you along like I did. I really don’t know why you didn’t just leave it alone and stop talking to me altogether.

I think that’s why it’s so hard for me to move on. Because I’ll never be able to tell you about how I’m sorry for being so twisted and miserable and that you didn’t deserve any of it. Every day for the past few days, there’s been a pit in my stomach just lying there, reminding me of just that.